So I have been dealing a lot with the topic of LOVE and finding deeper meaning about it. If there is one thing to really grasp about God it is that he chose us first! This relationship we can have with Christ I would like to describe to the extent of one that you might have for a significant other. God did choose us first, and it is amazing, but this doesn't make it complete. Now we also have to choose him. This is the only way for that real and true LOVE to work; both peoples poring into each other, this is the key, but you must know it in your heart! Yes I have known this for a long time, but there is something about knowing it in your head, and knowing it in your heart. There is a great difference. I believe God is working more on my heart, and it's is not always comfortable, in fact it is crazy hard at times, so hard.
When you grow to love someone in a way that some would say "more than a friend" it is a very special thing. Something to be cherished, something you greatly do not want to let go of, or have things go wrong. Yet I truly believe Christ’s love coming from God greatly exceeds even such a love as this. So when you love a person in such a way and then destruction happens, and things go wrong it is crushing to the soul. It hurts. But think, God loves us so much more! Imagine the pain he must go through when we do not choose him! Life can be so hard and yet through this I at times have such an urge to show others real love that only could come through Jesus. My heart is being stirred as it so feels, perhaps being molded? It is a suckey process, I feel like I hate it at times, yet at the same time deep down I feel that this is good, soo good.
Love is such a huge topic and I know that there is so much more for me to "get" or understand about it. Today I had communion and I finally felt like I wanted to take part in it, like I was feeling "this sense", or just a little more of what Jesus did and what it was all about. It is one thing to hear folks, but it is something so much more and so much "better" to know in your heart meaning, understanding. Communion today was in a way a big deal to me as I have struggled with taking part in communion for about the past year. Of course things are not totally fulfilled "within" yet, never be totally. I am growing, yes I believe in Christ growing.
Humans can be such a blessing yet they can be so hurtful, and sometimes they just unintentionally hurt, or they make a decision that may be best for them. Regardless it still hurts so much. I'm in a process of trying to heal over such a hurt, and it is so hard! So hard! I love that I can know God/Christ/Spirit is with me at this time. I also love that there are people who can help.
God help me at this time, it is like I am emotional and cry often. I have often thought to myself lately Love is patient, it is just a process that takes time, living, breathing, tasting, doing, thinking this is life!........
LOVE LOVE LOVE, HARD HARD HARD, GOOD GOOD GOOD, LOVE LOVE LOVE
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thoughts of mine and others
1 comment:
Arlan, you have a real way of wording things, such heart behind what you say. I admire that because I think with emotions, so it;s hard to find writing that feels the way yours does. My dear little brother you have a lot of wisdom. I hope you are doing well now you amazing little Bro :) Let yourself feel man let it hurt because a wise friend once told me that pain is what makes life feel real. I believe that because I am living it right now, as are you. Thank you for sharing your heart with me.
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